TW: discussion of eating disorder
During my last hiatus from working on this project, I struggled more with my body image than I have for a very long time. Getting injured again — right ankle, what the fuck? Apparently each time I decide that I’m going to train for a particular race 10 - 15 weeks away, my body conspires against me and bam! injury after injury, or massive blood blisters, ew — and not being able to run or hike or do much else particularly active, coupled with me taking time off from a project that’s supposed to be about promoting my own body love and acceptance as well as dealing with some, erm, challenging personal issues, put me in a vulnerable place for bad body thoughts.
For the first time I seriously considered thinning myself down in my drawings. Just a few less curves here, a little less of a double chin there, or, the most tempting, no boobs at all, like magic! No surgery required! I’d taken a break from drawing — it’s completely conceivable that I could have lost, oh, 50lbs in boobs and body fat in a month or so, right?
No. No, that is not possible, and wanting it to be so isn’t helpful to me either. That was the reality check I needed — figuring out how to make no boobs at all happen is a subject best left between me and my doctor, not my drawing pad, so I’ve decided to start adding photos of myself as well as drawings, as evidenced by the photo above.
- tuxedo jacket, thrifted, 2002
- flannel shirt, Target, 2013
- grey pants, Old Navy, 2012
assessment: dapper queer